Sincerity, Similarity and Attraction

Authenticity On Social Networks

A psychological study revealed that out of 400 adjectives that describe personality characteristics, the #1 most attractive was sincere, and the #400 (most unattractive) was phony. People like authenticity.

Philosopher James Allen, in his Essay on the Eight Pillars of Prosperity, wrote, “Attractiveness, like genius, is lost by being coveted, and possessed by those who are too solid and sincere of character to desire it.”

Faking is Counter-Productive

This presents a dilemma for the person who wants to be attractive, whether online or offline. In her song, “Come From the Heart (click for video),”  Kathy Mattea quoted Mark Twain’s advice: “Dance like nobody’s watching; love like you’ve never been hurt. Sing like nobody’s listening; live like it’s heaven on earth.” Kathy added, “There’s such a thing as trying too hard.”

Similarity and Attraction

One of the most consistent findings in social psychology is that similarity, especially similarity of of attitudes and personality, has a powerful positive influence on interpersonal attraction.  The danger in focusing on this fact is that one is tempted to fake similarity in order to be liked. Deliberate mirroring often backfires and may be counter-productive. Remember that phony is one of the most disliked characteristics.

Besides the attractiveness of sincerity, being your authentic self has another benefit. The types of people you attract will tend to be the kinds you will like and enjoy associating with. After all, there are more than enough people on the internet to become friends with. Why not attract the ones who are attracted to the real you? Then you can relax and be comfortable, knowing that you don’t have to concentrate on playing a role or keeping up a facade.

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